Wednesday, February 15, 2006


Isn't it strange how one day you can be so low that all you want to do is take something to make the pain go away, yet the next you're on top of the world?

How you can feel that there is nothing left to live for, living a life so lonely you just want to give up? But later realising that there are people who care, who love you with all your quirks and madness.

Doing one of those stupid questionnaires - what do you wish for next year? I give a generic answer, the one people want to hear, I want to graduate, get a real job. Make people proud.

Except in my heart, thats not what I want. Or at least, not all. I want to live my life, not just exist. I want to experience everything, good and bad, love, lust, depression and heartbreak.

My wish - one pure night of hedonism. Drugs, sex and booze, I'll take them all. I want to wake up with multiple bodies (of both genders) sprawled across the bed and floor, coming down from a night where nothing is forbidden. I want to fuck and be fucked, laugh cry and scream.

So why am I so afraid to say yes? After all, I fear a life without regrets is my biggest fear of all. I'm scared I'll wake up one day and realise this is it: this is my life, and look how much I've missed.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

brokeback mountain

Saw it last week. Amazing. If anyone hasn't seen this film, do so now. One of the only films I have seen (the other being Dogville) where there was silence, not only throughout the film but also upon leaving the theatre. You just have to think about what you have just witnessed.

Ang Lee's direction is astounding. Every shot can be read many ways, and the emotion on the actors faces is immense. It is the modern-day Romeo and Juliet love story, and if it doesn't sweep the board at the oscars (are the voters too conservative to appreciate such a film?) it will be a travesty.

random fact of the day

One thing I learnt today - Scientology (the religion of TomKat) is not a recognised religion here in the UK, (at least where law is concerned). Apparently it concerns a 'way of life' not 'worship of a deity', which seems to be the definition of religions here.

Mind you, I would exclude it for being a money-grabbing, psychologically abusive cult anyway. Not to mention the fact that they censor the internet of their users. And if you haven't read the story of Lisa McPherson, do so now. She was put on the Introspection Rundown on November 18th (scientologists do not believe in psychiatry drugs) was eventually taken to hospital on the 5th December 1995 with severe dehydration, bruises and bug bites, but was pronounced dead on arrival.

Alternative religion or a dangerous cult with no regard for personal wellbeing? You decide.

Monday, January 16, 2006

and the fastest way to lose your seat at the next election is...

to appear in big brother. See: George Galloway and that cat impression. (google it if you must...) I dare anyone to sit through the impression in its entirety. For those who haven't seen it (lucky you) one of the most outspoken politicians in England decided to take part in bb in order to get his waaay leftist views across. (Note this is spoken by a liberal/'champagne' socialist - me). A man who met and admired Saddam Hussein, this 'loony leftie' got down on all fours, purred, nuzzled and licked Rula Lubienska's hand. I know it doesn't sound that bad but trust me. Creepy!

rememeber me?

No I haven't disappeared of the face of the planet. But it's kinda hard to blog when you don't have net access. Still, bad me. Promise I'll be a good blogger from now on.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I got naked* for charity! (no pics here though)

* ok it was technically not nude as we posed in tiny coin belts or sarongs so my ass wasn't on show but it's close enough for me

I think the title of the post says it all really....

So myself, along with many other brave (it's november......think ice/frost) people will now be appearing in the naked charity calendar published by our student union.

And no I will not display the photos here!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

not again....

A woman who regrets her abortion 20 years ago is now attempting to stop all teenage girls (or rather those under the age of 16 for that is the fixed age of consent here in the UK) from being able to have an abortion without the consent of their parent or guardian. I say again because a very similar case occurred in the 1980's (the Gillick case) though thankfully there the courts saw sense and ruled against the mother.

As to the present legal challenge, Mrs Axon even admits her daughters 'have reservations' (read: disagree) with her stance. Surely this should tell her something?

To take this stance is effectively to deny another human being one of their basic human rights - the right to privacy. (Article 8 ECHR)

Also, if this challenge were to succeed how many girls would, fearing that their parents may react extremely badly, turn to backstreet abortionists? Instead of receiving professional guidance and care they will be at the mercy of illegal practitioners. And of course, what would a successful challenge do to the provision of safer sex supplies to people under the age of consent? I hope the court realises the severe implications that affirming Mrs Axon's claim may have.

On final point to note; Ms Gillick is quoted in the article saying

"Children are being told at school you can go to your school nurse and if you're pregnant, we'll actually take you to a hospital, put you on an operating table, you will be aborted, and sent home with nobody actually knowing what has happened to you."

(Italics are mine)

There is NO right to abortion in the UK. It is, and always has been at the doctor's discretion. I should know, I wrote a paper on the damn thing last year.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

talking dirty

Sidenote: Niamh or anyone who knows the real me you may want to skip this post: see title!!

I suck at dirty talking. (no pun intended) Seriously. Maybe it's just me but I don't find it sexy or arousing to tell someone what I want them to do to me. Or rather it's that I don't know what you want me to say. Will you freak out if I tell you I want you to finger fuck my cunt, or is 'pussy' sexier? Will you laugh if I introduce roleplay or tell you I pain gets me off? And as for talking about your 'big cock' I'm just gonna dissolve into fits of giggles. My life doesn't resemble a bad porno so why do you want me to talk like I'm in one?

The only thing for me that can make matters worse is talking dirty on the phone. Actually no, the worst place to be asked to 'talk' dirty is to someone on MSN messenger (and yes I've done it. I thought wtf is (insert name here) actually getting off on this as I sure as hell wasn't). It just doesn't work for me. I would much rather fuck hearing moans, screams and the occasional moment-appropriate phrase.

I guess that with time and experience I may loosen up and enjoy being able to talk dirty to someone, and I know that it will come with more experience (not something I'm getting at the moment...especially as I seem to be attracted to emotional fuckups who screw with my mind) but right now I would rather concentrate on things that I know get me (and hopefully you) off.


One thing I wanted to mention separate from the other new post. I have a crush on my lecturer!


I feel 14 years old again! (Although without most of the teenage angst I had about my body.. I have learned to accept the way I look. I know I will never be curvy or voluptuous. Instead I have small but perky tits and long legs. That'll do for now.)

Oh the fantasies....


Sunday, October 23, 2005

have you ever

had one of those days where you felt alone? Even when you knew you weren't?

One of those days where you would do anything for some (sexual/physical) attention?

I think everyone does.